ok.. like forced to blog

like so many ppl's complaining i am not blogging blah blah.. hahah.. i am now k. so i wrote a poem for sujith. aww. sweet right. yeah. suppose to go picnic at the botanical gardens but he had some "family issues". hmm.. RIGHT! haha..
so here goes:
on a spectacular sunday,
sipping on a glass of merlot
with a platter of cheese and crackers
we lay comfortably on the lush greens
we chatter gossip inspire the next seasons fashion disaster
wedges, mankinis come n go
but not our inspiration
leopard prints
signature look it shall be
no matter how it shall look
we will bring it on with chutzpah!

ok.. i know it isnt exactly great but i tried alright. and sujith event commented that WAH! WHAT CHUTZPAH! lol.. it seems as if my english is so bad. for the record, chutzpah means courage. :)

anw, i was thinking, i love my friends. haha.. i mean despites FLAWS. like who is without them. they keep me sane. haha.. i wanted to write pretty. but LOL.. it's sounds so wrong but i know it's right. SO WEIRD! lol.. wtf! pretty. so anyhoo, i know my actions may not speak for itself. but i love u all. so please do not get upset with me if i act mean or anything alright.
so today, i had my FIRST EVER STRIPSIRILOIN STEAK with sujith. eww.. it was so digusting. there was blood! lol. silly us, trying to squeeze evey drip of blood out of the supposed medium well beef. haha.. we couldnt stop laughing cos we never EVER eaten beef before. so u know, what was the best out of the whole mean? the BAKED POTATO. hahah.. so embarrassing. sometimes, i just think even if the food sucks. it isnt the food that really matters to me but the company i am with. the company i am with compensates everything horrible that happens. can u imagine that u r with a horrible person? lol.. because the only best remedy for a lousy situation, is to laugh it off. :)

so i admitted

and so i decided to tell...
i guess i wasnt that bad.
they didnt treat me as if i was abnormal.
well, maybe they did.
or maybe i didnt feel it.
oh fuck, ok! they are fantastic actors.
hahah.
it is not as if i am like dying.
haha..
well, she said that it could be my last any moment.
like a russian poker or smth..
blood test came out fine..
everything was fantastic! :)
peace of mind!
so exams are coming like in a few months.
i do feel the intensity.
it's exciting.
but the squabbles with them are not making things any easier.
this is life.
what the fuck is easy!
NOTHING.
i guess, i have to learn to let go.
they arent always gonna be free for me to go visit.
i have to learn how to cope by myself.
i have to be independent.
so they have been saying being single equals misery.
seriously, the word desperation has reached new heights.
personally, it's disgusting.
cant we be self-contented?
are we so over-reliant these days?
hmm... well it goes to show how much of a fantasy we live in.
haha...
i love reading. fantasy in it's own huh!
cant wait for sunday tho! picnic in the park. lovely.
friends, food and wine. purrfection.
cant ask for anything more in life.
a quote that is pretty hilarious:
"darren, impulsive shopping only goes so far when u actually use them and they dont look so major! i dont know about those patent shoes."
haha.

LIBERATION WEEK: BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD

hahha.. i drew blood like 3 times today! can u friggin believe it?

so the first one was for blood donation. i decided to try it. haha.. cos this week is liberation week for me. i shall do things that i dont normally do. :P
like last night, i was walking in the rain! yup, i walked in it, all wet n drenched. but hell did i enjoy being all wet n soaked. i dont care if i was going to fall sick, i dont care how the cars the zoom passed were thinking that i was mad! all i wanted was to feel the splatter of the rain on my skin. it was so good! light, clear, clean n crisp. it felt good.

anyhoo, back to the topic! lol. so it was really cool gg into HSA to donate blood the first time. i went in actually in a jiffy! i didnt really think about it, i was like. ok, i wanna donate blood. and BAM I DID! haha.. it was pretty quick. like in 30 mins, i was done! it was funny how the guy beside me all muscular n fit looked so pale after donating while i was bitching to the nurse. erm, can i go now! i kinda need to rush for my medical appt! haha.. she wasnt really pleased.
she was like: NO, sit n rest few minutes. later u faint how?
LAN LAN.. no choice la. i sat there n the guy next to me was as pale as my white ass! no kidding. haha..

then the 2nd blood drawing session was after my medical appt with my psychiatrist. it's a routine blood test la. just unlucky it is today cos the last time i had was in janurary and she tot it was time that i did one again. so on the way i was flirting with the nurse drawing the blood telling her that i wanna do HIV test too and so she was like OooKAY! and then i drew blood again 3 time. whoa.. talk about BLEEDING LOVE! hahhaha...

so yeah.. thats how i spent my day. it was that fantastic nor bad. cos i didnt smoke! yay! i did go shopping at zara and i also did go to my fav HK cafe to eat my wanton. yummm... liberation week continues... wish me luck people.

MY 100TH POST: an emo one.

Hmm. Guess it had come full circle. Clubbing i mean. Haha. First person i grind n the last person i grind! CHRISTOPHER! Lol. Clubbing has been great! Letting myself loose, let my inhibitions flow n not caring abt those around me. Maybe i have reached a point where i dont really care what ppl view me. :) i believe i have already created a sense of identity for myself n ppl know me for that. So i'm officially heading back to my books to mug! Keith? Will u join me? :)
Since haato is closing it's outlet. I decided it's time i stop working too. Money isnt viewed greatly by me now. I feel that as long as i am happy, that counts most. :)
I'm moving out of my current lifestlye to smth else i dont know about. Scary thot? Not actually, pretty purlissed!
I'm scared of being 20 tho. Cos i know it's a whole different game. I guess i'll face it with chutzpah with someone i hope will be there for me. Treat me like a teddy bear?
lately, problems have occured for keith. he seems to have lose his sense of identity or probably he thinks what has identified him is of utter superficiality. i am not an expert. but as a close friend, a close confident and of pure concern, i feel for him. i have been through the whole phase where i felt i lose my identity. what did i do? haha..

i pushed it behind my head and said: hey! i'm 19 only. who am i to say what i am right now. is this really gonna define me for the rest of my life?
sujith can vouch for that.

maybe some people need guidance, maybe some dont! well, all of us are different people. we manage our lives differently. but at the end, as long as were are contented with our life! thats what matters most. cos till now, i live my life with no regrets. knowing that i have done what i want and i dont owe anyone a living. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY...

HERE'S A BIG BIG BIG BIG MAJOR IMPOSSIBLE HORRIBLE WHORISH

SHOUTOUT TO KEITH TAN!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! NAUGHT NINETEEN!

hahahha..

so we did loads anw..

we had breakfast at borders bistro!

uh huh.. someone wanted american breakfast!

lol..

then shopping n FINALLY!

OUR FIRST MOVIE EVER..

how appropriate it was

SEX AND THE CITY!

omg.. we were horrible in the cinema tho..

all the laughters, scream n FOOD!

we ordered snacks and told them to bring in like 1 hr later.

worst part! we were sitting in the centre. can u imagine those ppl sitting same row as us had to pass the food over! :P

anw, it wa really fun despite having to run thro the rain!

crazy weather la!

lately, i have been feeling rather bothered about myself.

like what i want to do. what i really like.

well, i guess after watching satc.

one line really got to me.

samantha said this:

i love u. but i love myself more.

hmm..

it did resonate in me that yeah...

i tend to love everyone around me more

that i tend to upset myself.

i dont really put in all the effort to help others...

haha.. thats the bad part.

like i have been really putting half hearted effort in Haato.

i dont want to work but i see amy working all the days full shift.

i feel that since i can.. u know maybe i shld help her.

well it has affected me in many ways like my schedules are messed up.

less personal time and all.

seriosuly, i cant wait till the shop closes down on june smth!

THE FUCKING MANAGER HASNT EVEN PUT A NOTICE UP OR CONFIRMED THE DATE LA.. wtf!

so back to basics. i have decided to spend more time on making myself a way better person!

i need to work on me n myself. no one else.

hmm.. maybe yoga can help? :P

hahaha...

have a happy wk ahead peeps!