hmmm....

my job hasnt been exactly exciting. hence, i do have loads of time to think about stuff. e.g. how being lonely and SO AVALIABLE SUCKS! haha... i do have people chasing me but they are just not my type. unless kate moss comes along!
what has been bothering me lately has been my A levels. i guess everyone around me knows that i am not exactly ur straight A or even close to mediocre student. i have utterly disgraceful results. yes! nothing to be proud of! exams results are coming out about after chinese new year. i have to admit. i am afraid. i am terrified. i feel immense stress whenever such thoughts cross my mind. i really dont know how i will do. i didnt finish any of my papers at all.
i am sick in the stomach whenever such thoughts cross my mind. i was surprised i actually lost my appetite today. i was folding letters and such foolish thoughts of what will happen if i do badly crossed my mind. i nearly went bersek!
i guess depression is not far away. all my colleagues were telling me to not worry. however, it is hard for me not too. i am a person who loves to overthink stuff and practise different scenarios. haha.. yes! i did imagine myself doing well. but that was like once only.
i do hope life will turn out for the better. i do feel blessed having a friend like moses who works with me and who takes my quick tempered shouting with ignorance. i am not a easy person to get along with i guess. i dont like strangers!
i totally ignored a couple of former school people who asked ARE U FROM **?
i told moses: walk and ignore them!
haha.. i really didnt hear them ask the question but i would have chosen to ignore them. i am ashamed of my past. even though it has brought me to where i am now and i am pleased with where i have gotten. how ironic.
hopefully, down the road, someone who is mentally sick enough to handle my flaws and make me a better person! maybe only kate moss... those grey jeans. love them!